I'm Still Here
by katykat18
Summary: After a horrible accident and losing her unborn child and almost her life Bella tries to figure out why she's still there. Summary stinks I know, I'm horrible at these! ExB. Better than it sounds. T for language
1. Chapter 1

**OK, so I know you guys are totally gunna hate me. I mean I havent written anything for any of my stories in God knows how long and I'm posting a new story, well it isn't really a story I like to call it a two shot hah only because it will only be two "chapters" long...yeeeeaahhh...but i've had this on my computer for who knows how long and I can't hide it from anyone any longer! So I hope you enjoy my little two shot, please review and tell me what you think, they mean so much to me.**

**I own nothing of twilight besides my lovely Bella the kitty, my Edward cut out, Twilight clothing and edward poster...I just like to play with the characters like I used to play with Barbie Dolls :)**

**So without further ado, I'm still here. Make sure you review!**

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3rd person POV

The rain was noisily splattering across the windshield, blurring her vision. The windshield wipers were violently hissing across the glass as it wiped away the water. She was driving fast, faster than she normally drove. The tears that were flowing freely down her cheeks weren't helping her vision in the storm.

Fiddling with the radio she tried to find a station that could put her at ease. She removed the hand that was rubbing soothing circles on her swollen stomach to turn off the radio; finding no comfort in any of the songs playing. Without warning she heard a loud screeching noise and the blaring of a horn. She snapped her head up and slammed her foot on the brake, but it was too late.

Two bright lights slammed into the drivers side of her husbands silver Volvo.

All noise stopped. It was quiet besides the constant splatter of tiny water droplets against the pavement and shattered remains of metal.

---

He sat in his home stewing over the argument he had just had with his wife. He couldn't remember how it even started, but with his wife's pregnancy and hormones all over the place they were arguing over little things one moment, wanting to tear their heads off the next and then suddenly wanting to make sweet and passionate love to each other.

It was late and the storm was getting worse. After their heated battle of words she stormed angrily from the house and left in his Volvo, taking her purse, a bag of clothes and their unborn baby with her. She claimed that she was leaving him because he didn't care about her or the baby anymore. But he knew she would be back, just like the other ten times she would come home near midnight crying and begging for him to take her back.

But her words hurt him more than she let on. This baby meant everything to him. It was his child, created with passion and love with the one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. How could she or the baby mean nothing to him. He would gladly give his life if it meant they could both be safe and happy.

He stared at the clock; it was nearing two. It was unlike her. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Maybe she really did leave him this time. After all he did tell her to leave.

The phone ringing caused him to jump and pull him out of his thoughts. He ran to it, it could be one of his friends telling him that his wife was safely tucked away in their home for the night.

"Hello?" He asked.

"E-Edward?" The voice was distraught.

"Yeah, Alice what is it? Is Bella there with you?" The line was quiet for a few minutes until he heard a quiet sob. "Alice? Come on, just tell me Bella's there and is still pissed at me."

"Edward?" It was a male voice now. It was shaking but tried to remain calm.

"Jasper wha-"

"Edward, Bella…" Jasper sighed. Edwards stomach dropped. "Bella was in an accident-" But before Jasper could continue the phone dropped from his hand as he ran out the door to Bella's small car and raced to the hospital.

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The waiting room was silent as Edward sat against the wall in the corner waiting for news of his wife and unborn child. His friends were now sitting in the uncomfortable chairs crying silently and holding each other.

Alice had her face in Jaspers shoulder sobbing while he rubbed small circles on her back, his face pulled into a frown fighting back tears he could not let himself shed. He needed to be strong for his friends, his wife, Edward and himself. Bella was like a little sister to him, they one he secretly wished he could trade Rosalie for sometimes.

Rosalie was sobbing into her hands with her husband Emmett next to her rubbing her arms soothingly with his large hands.

Edward sat motionless in the corner on the cool stone floor. He couldn't be near his friends and gazing into their sympathetic looks. It was his fault she was here. If he never told her to leave she wouldn't have gotten into an accident and would be in his arms right now. His face was set as if it were stone. His once vibrant green eyes were now dull, his jaw was tense as he ground his teeth together. His hair was now a dishelmed mess upon his head, the bronze locks dull in the light; all life and vibrancy gone from them.

He was never one for believing in God, or praying. But tonight he sat in the corner, his hands clasped together. Praying that the ones he loved the most would come out OK. Edward watched the door, hoping that the doctor would rush inside telling him that both of his babies would be OK. He cast his eyes downward at his hands and closed his eyes tightly, praying with all his might that his prayers would be answered.

The sound of the door opening caused him to look up. His mother and father came rushing in looking around frantically for their son.

His mother looked distraught. Her wavy chestnut colored hair was now a frizzy mess, like she had been running her hands through it and pulling at it like she did when she was nervous. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her eyes met Edward and she quickly ran over to him collapsing into his arms and hugging him closely as she sobbed for her daughter-in-law and unborn grandchild.

"We came as quick as we could. Has there been any word?" Edward was too busy trying to comfort his mother to see who his father was talking to. The door opened again and the room went quiet. Everyone looked to the doctor clad in his scrubs.

"Bella, the baby? Are they OK?" Edward quickly asked rushing to his feet. The doctor sighed heavily and put his large hand on his shoulder.

"We had to remove the baby, I'm afraid she's not going to make it through the night. We have her in an incubator with a breathing tube." The doctor sighed again. "As for your wife," He paused. "She's in the ICU right now. She went into extensive surgery. She has a broken hand, bruised ribs and internal bleeding. I'm sorry Mr. Cullen but your wife is in a coma right now. She had major head trauma in the accident…" The words were fading from his mouth as Edwards ears began to ring. His world was crashing down around him.

Edward backed away slowly from the doctor and turned to face the wall. He couldn't hold it any longer. He began to sob and yell, punching the wall as he sank to his knees. Emmett and Jasper, both now had tears in their eyes, tried to restrain him and give him some comfort. Alice, Rosalie and Esme held each other watching their son, their brother and their friends life crumble around him. Edward clung to Emmett's shirt as he sobbed and beat his fist against the wall.

"It should be me in their! ME! Why!? Why them!? Why did I have to be so God damn fucking stupid!?" Carlisle came over to his distraught son and placed his hands on his shoulders. Edward quickly turned around and wrapped himself around his father.

"I don't know if you would want to, but you can see your daughter and say goodbyes if you want. I'm afraid you can't see your wife until she comes out of ICU." Carlisle nodded to the doctor as he rubbed his sons shaking shoulders. "I'll have a nurse come in an hour. I'm sorry for your loss." With that that doctor left.

Edwards sobs grew louder as he blamed himself. He shouldn't have told her to leave while he was mad at her. He chuckled darkly as he remembered what they fought over. Bella thought Edward was being too careless with a baby on the way for leaving a piece of toast in the toaster to burn to a crisp, purely on accident. That was so Bella though, with her pregnancy hormones and ability to be unsure of herself as a mother, she would freak out at the littlest of things. Including a piece of toast.

An hour later the old nurse came into the room to take the grieving family to say goodbye to their grand child, niece and daughter.

She was so tiny in comparison to the large plastic box that held her. She was surrounded by tape and large tubes giving her a few hours of life left. Edward walked up slowly to the box and placed his hand against it as the tears fell from his eyes. This was his daughter, his first born. His princess, and yet she would have no chance at living a long and healthy life and would die in a few short hours. Her chest slowly rose up and down as the tube helped her breath. Despite being only six months old she had a full head of soft bronze locks.

"You can touch her if you like." The nurse revealed a hole to slide your arm through. Edward hesitantly reached his hand inside and stroked her delicate fingers with his index finger. He stroked her cheek lightly, he reveled how soft she was. He felt her hair, it was thin and soft. As if the small babe knew that was her father she sighed in contentment. Edward once again stroked her tiny fist, looking wide eyed as she opened her palm and gently held his finger with her tiny fingers. She too knew she wouldn't make it. She was saying her goodbye to her father, whom she knew loved her as much as she loved him.

A flash surprised Edward and found Alice silently crying holding a disposable camera.

"I-I know it's a bad time to take pictures, but…but we need to remember her." Edward stared at her for a moment. He forgot that this tiny bundle of joy would soon be leaving. Tears fell down his face as he nodded, giving her permission to take pictures of the daughter he will never see grow up. Feel love, heartbreak, sickness, joy, sadness, happiness. Never see the sun or the moon and its millions of twinkling companions.

Each member of their large and odd looking family each said their hello's and goodbye's to the tiny baby girl for the next three hours until she quietly passed holding her fathers finger in her palm.

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Bella was released from the ICU a few short hours after the passing of her daughter. She had not woken up yet, or showed signs of waking up. Edward sat next to her holding her hand as he cried and prayed that he wouldn't lose her too.

His family took turns sitting with Edward and Bella for the next week. They tried to get him to leave and eat or shower, only to have him ignore them as he stared at his wife's bruised body.

The only console Edward had was the constant beep of her heart monitor, knowing that she was still alive and with him. He didn't know what he would do if he lost her too. Bella was his life. It completely revolved around her. The bruises on her face and arms were a reminder of the biggest mistake he has ever made. He wouldn't be surprised if Bella never forgave him and wanted to leave him. He deserved it, he did this to her and their now deceased daughter.

"Bella, please wake up. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry." He quietly sobbed against her hand hoping that she would wake up.

---

After what felt like long and grueling months to Edward, Bella had finally woken up after a week and a half.

"Edward?" She mumbled hoarsely. Edward quickly lifted his head to look at Bella. Her eyes were open looking around the room.

"Bella! Oh, Bella. Thank God your OK." He stood and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Wh-what happened?' She asked. Her head hurt as did her eyes from the fluorescent lights above her. The doctor had now entered the room and quickly checked her before telling her the sad news. "My baby…" She said quietly, after finding out that her daughter did not make it through the ordeal. Edward squeezed her hand as they both began to cry.

Bella said nothing to anyone, not even her doctor or Edward for the remainder of her stay. She stared at the wall and cried.

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**OK dudes? How'd you like it so far, I personally cried at the whole baby part when I was writing it, I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost a child. If I got any of the medical mumbo jumbo mixed up well...suck it, its a fanfic and i an write what ever i please! haha joking, let me kno and i'll try and fix it.**

**please review! Ill mention you in the final installment of I'm Still Here, for giving me the inspiration to post the next and final chapter of my loevly two shot. =P**


	2. slap away

Ok, so I give full permission for you all to shoot me, slap me or do anything at your will. I have not given up on these stories its just life tends to get in the way.

swear to god I prolly have the worst luck in all humanity..ok maybe not. My dad has been recently diagnosed with the same lung cancer my grandpa had just died from and my boyfriend of three years broke up with me because he cant make up his mind if hes happy or not and some other bull crap.

my spring break is coming up soon and Im heading down to texas to visit my grandma (fun...) so Im taking my laptop with me so i can write. Im gunna be in a trailer for 24 hours to and from texas so Ill have tons of time to write..hopefully. Im not promising anything but I do hope to update atleast one more chapter for each story before I leave which is April 8th.

i thank you all for the support and awesome reviews you guys leave me. they really make me happy.

and also: for those of you who were confused about some of my stories:

save me: yes she was sent to a mental hospital by renee, you'll find out why hopefully next chapter.

pandora's box: in a nutshell you could call them lab rats lol. once again the full explanation is coming in the next chapter.

i think ill be updating for these two stories sooner then the rest of my other stories just because these are easier to work with. Sick, Enemy Attraction and what not...well writers block is a b****.

so ill hopefully hear from you soon in reviews when i post new chapters!

once again im so sorry

i know i write more authors notes than chapters, and I know theyr buzzkills.

so.... slap away.


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